


Food (Not) For Primals

by Woofemus



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Cooking, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woofemus/pseuds/Woofemus
Summary: "I believe we should not perish from the consumption of skydweller food," Athena says."More like this skydweller is on her way to discovering the recipe for it," Medusa mutters.
Relationships: Athena/Medusa (Granblue Fantasy)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Food (Not) For Primals

**Author's Note:**

> shout-out to my bro for this shitpost

"How about I cook something for you?"

Medusa's been with the crew long enough to know that when she hears these particular words from a certain skydweller, it only means doom is coming instead. A shiver of fear runs down her spine as her eyes snap open.

She leaps to her feet in the next instant, head whipping around the deck. Medusiana looks like she wants to hide underneath a rock, never mind that the only thing big enough to hide her would be under a whole island. Even other members of the crew are looking fearful as well, all other sounds of conversation Medusa had heard earlier coming to a halt.

Where are they! Medusa swears they were just right in front of her before she closed her eyes for a nap. Of course, trouble starts brewing the moment she takes her eyes away!

"That is very kind of you, Katalina."

There!

Athena and Katalina are standing near the entrance that leads to the lower levels of the Grandcypher, still chatting with each other after their little sparring match. They don't seem to be moving just yet though, so that means there's still time to save Athena from her fate.

"Athena!" Medusa grabs Athena's arm, panting like she's out of breath. She isn't, but she also hasn't shaken off the fear she felt earlier. She tugs on Athena's arm, about to pull her away before she realizes she doesn't have any sort of excuse for Athena to believe.

No time to waste! Athena's life is on the line!

"Hello, Medusa. Is something the matter?" Athena asks, smiling patiently at her. Medusa wants to growl at her because this isn't the time for any of Athena's usual antics that make Medusa feel fluttery.

"Uh…" she settles on the first thing that comes to her mind, "h-hey, Athena, remember a while back, you promised me that you were, uh, going to sunbathe with me and Medusiana?" Medusa looks up at Athena as meekly as she can, her brow knitting together slightly and a shy smile on her face. Ugh, Athena _better_ understand what Medusa is doing, it's already humiliating enough that she's doing this in front of a skydweller even!

_Come on, come on—_

"Medusa? Is something wrong with your face?" Athena frowns at her and reaches down to place a hand on her cheek. "And forgive me but I don't believe I've ever made such a promise?"

Medusa wants to scream. In hindsight, she doesn't even know why she tried something like this on _Athena._ Now she has to figure out an excuse to say that doesn't make Katalina suspicious.

"Hello, everyone. What's going on here?"

Medusa perks right up and turns to the newcomer, desperate hope shining in her eyes. Yes! Someone else to come save her, even if Rosetta looks like she's trying hard not to laugh at her expression.

"I was offering to cook up some lunch for Athena after our sparring match," Katalina says. "If you're willing to join us, I can certainly make some for you as well!"

Just as Medusa had done earlier, there's a flash of dread that appears in Rosetta's eyes. When Rosetta blinks, it's gone. Instead, she straightens herself out and coughs into her hand. "That's a kind offer, Katalina, but I just remembered that Io asked me for some help on her magic."

Katalina opens her mouth—

"Right now. I'm very sorry," Rosetta adds all in quick succession.

Medusa gawks at her while Katalina only laughs. "Don't worry about it, there'll be next time then," Katalina says with a small wave of her hand. Rosetta's gaze lands on Medusa and there's a message hidden in there that Medusa doesn't miss, and it only makes her angrier.

_Good luck._

"Enjoy yourselves!" Rosetta rushes away before either of them can say a word. She's more than likely aware of Medusa's eyes burning into her back by the way she hurriedly rounds a corner to disappear completely from sight. If she hadn't hurried away so quickly, Medusa would have turned her to stone right then and there!

So much for help!

"Ah, Medusa, you're also free to join us for lunch as well," Katalina adds, a smile on her face. Medusa nearly sends her a glare, just about ready to turn her to stone just for that remark. She's really tempted to do it, if it weren't for the fact that Athena is around and she'd scold Medusa for the rest of the day and maybe tomorrow too for misusing her powers.

"Yes, you should join us," Athena says, and oh, there's that slight twinge of hope that Medusa can hear coming from her. "As the skydwellers say, the more the merrier."

_Not like this! Anything but this!_

"Uh!" she quickly shakes her head instead, "I-I took Medusiana out for eating earlier and… got some food for myself too! So I'm full already!"

Katalina wrinkles her nose. "O-oh."

And normally, this would be Medusa's cue to bow out and leave. Whatever happens to Athena isn't any of her problem! She can't say she didn't try to help Athena out of this awful situation!

"Ah…" Athena murmurs. There's no mistaking the disappointment in her voice, and when Medusa looks over at her, Athena's expression looks the same as always, but Medusa can just _tell_ she's down from Medusa's answer.

"B-but maybe I can try a little," Medusa finally grumbles.

Athena owes her so much for this!

And now there they are, her and Athena sitting in the dining hall. Strangely, there's no one else around. Medusa had been hoping for there to be some of the usual skydwellers in here, like that trio of loud and annoying erune chefs who speak so bafflingly that she can't stand to be around them sometimes, but they're nowhere to be seen.

In fact, there's _no one_ else in here. It's like they could sense Katalina was the one in the kitchen and they all fled. Medusa knows she would have done the same thing. All she can do now is rock back and forth in her seat with her hands on her head.

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die," she mutters over and over again. "Getting sent to the Crimson Horizon would be a better end."

Athena's hand rests on her shoulder, unusually tense. "Is there a threat in here? Should I check the room?"

"What? No, I meant—"

A shout comes out of the kitchen at that moment. "Whoa! I didn't mean to drop that in there!" comes Katalina's voice.

"The threat's in the _kitchen_ ," Medusa growls out. Her tail's whipping around behind her, agitation growing. "Listen, there's a reason no one else is in here! Her cooking is going to take us— _you_ out!"

There's no way Medusa's going to even entertain the thought of eating it. She'd made that mistake once, and never again!

"That sounds like an exaggeration."

"Believe me, I was like you too. And…" Medusa shudders even trying to think about what had happened. She wishes she could forget that memory, forget the resulting terror.

"Huh…" Athena still doesn't look convinced.

"Done!" Katalina's voice rings out through the empty hall.

Medusa's eyes hone onto the entrance to the kitchen. Maybe… maybe if she can block the path or do something to stop Katalina from coming out. No, wait, she can't do that, not when Athena is here and she'd get upset and that's another thing for Medusa to deal with. Still, this is more important! She's gonna do it. Or… Medusa's eyes glance up to see the ceiling beam. Maybe if she knocks that down and it knocks out Katalina—

Just as Medusa decides on her plan of attack to stop whatever Katalina is cooking up, Katalina herself comes out of the kitchen, holding a steaming bowl.

"Here you go!" Katalina carefully places it down in front of Athena. "Let me know how it is!"

Medusa and Athena look down at the bowl. It's… soupy, that much Medusa can tell. A stew, then? There's huge chunks of… something inside, irregularly cut. Medusa can't tell which type of vegetables those are, or if they're even vegetables. Maybe it's meat instead.

It's also inexplicably green.

What… what even is this?! How does someone get this sort of color!? What did she even use?! How?! And normally, Medusa can smell cooked skydweller food but she can't smell _anything_ from this. Not even flicking out her own tongue to catch a scent does anything either.

Medusa is sure she could make something better with her eyes closed. She's sure even _Athena_ could do something better.

"What's… inside?" Medusa tentatively asks, already sure she's going to regret the answer. Athena doesn't even know what to say other than continuously blinking at it in that surprised way she does.

"Oh, just some spare vegetables and meat we had," Katalina says cheerfully. "I guarantee you, it's full of nutrition!"

Medusa stares at her. That… answers nothing. It answers _nothing._ In all the centuries Medusa has lived through, she's never seen any sort of skydweller food look like _this_ and _not_ end up being some sort of lethal weapon. The only thing that looks edible in this revolting color are maybe the unfortunate monsters Medusiana gobbles up, or the swamp water in Lumacie. Neither of those are appetizing.

"Oh!" Katalina suddenly remembers something. "There was also those herbs I got the other day that accidentally—"

_Bang!_

The sudden pop makes them all startle, eyes wide.

"I think that came from the kitchen. I'll go check that out, be right back." Katalina hurriedly dashes back into the kitchen.

Medusa has never felt more afraid of skydwellers than right now.

Wait, but this is the perfect opportunity! This gives them the best chance to easily dispose of… dispose of… Medusa doesn't even want to call this disgusting thing soup. It would feel like an insult otherwise.

"Look for a bucket or something," Medusa says, her eyes already scanning around. She'd just leave it on the floor for the bugs and cats, but even _that_ seems cruel. "We gotta be quick if we wanna get rid of it."

"Get rid of it?"

Oh, no. Medusa knows that tone from Athena. It's the one that tells Medusa that Athena is seriously going to consider eating this. Medusa turns to gawk at her.

"Katalina has made it for us, would it not be impolite to refuse?" Athena asks.

"Only if it wasn't your life on the line!" Medusa hisses.

"But we are primal beasts, we will not perish simply from the consumption of skydweller food."

Medusa glances over at the dark goop of… stew, or… _something_ on the table. Honestly, other than the strange color, it looks… okay enough, but every sense Medusa has is telling her to get away from it. Even some of the snakes forming from her hair hiss at it.

The surface of the stew starts to bubble. Athena and Medusa stare at it. Unknowingly, Medusa doesn't realize she's grabbed Athena's arm out of fear. Then, it stops… before a large bubble spontaneously forms and pops in the same second. The sickeningly squelching noise ringing out makes Medusa's stomach churn and even Athena's eyes widen. Not even Athena can ignore _that_ , given the way her brow is furrowing slightly as she warily looks at the bowl now.

"... I believe we should not perish from the consumption of skydweller food," Athena revises.

"More like this skydweller is on her way to discovering the recipe for it," Medusa mutters. "Okay, I've had enough. I'm gonna turn it to stone."

"No!" Athena shields the bowl from Medusa's sight with her arm. "You cannot be rude, Medusa!"

"Rude? _Rude?_ " Medusa can't believe what she's hearing right now. Maybe that's the problem, she hadn't been rude earlier to Katalina to tell her to back off, except Athena would've gotten upset. But it would've been the honest truth! On the other hand, why is Athena even trying to defend… oh, Medusa doesn't even know what to call it at this point other than abomination. She jabs a finger toward it. "Just _look_ at it!"

Athena does. Even Medusa can see the hesitation that flashes across her face before it's replaced by determination. "This is a test of willpower. Do not worry, Medusa, I am the guardian primal beast, my defenses are strong."

"What are you even _talking_ about now." Medusa narrows her eyes. Defenses? What does this have anything to do with her stomach? They're primal beasts, yes, and they're way more sturdier and powerful than the skydwellers, yes, but when it comes to eating? Not even Medusa has a point of reference for that.

"I will at least have to give it a try, if nothing else…"

"One bite is more than enough to take you out!"

"Do not be silly." Athena shakes her head.

"No, _you_ don't understand how serious this is!" Medusa is close to baring her fangs at Athena. That's how frustrated she is that Athena won't listen to her! She just doesn't know!

Athena opens her mouth to talk before she stops, regarding Medusa with a careful look in her eyes.

"You're truly worried about this," Athena finally says. Medusa narrows her eyes. Of course she'd been, why is Athena only seeing that right now? "But, just one bite. I cannot let Katalina's efforts go to waste, at least."

Medusa sticks her tongue out. Ugh! When Athena says it like that… whatever! Sometimes Athena is too stupidly nice for her own good! But she's just going to have to learn then! And then Medusa will rub it into her face about how right she was!

"Fine! Whatever happens isn't my fault! I'm not taking care of your sorry self afterward!"

"Very well," Athena only says. She runs a spoon through the stew, and a thick squelching noise rings through the air. Medusa recoils in disgust, making a face while even Athena looks like she's maybe reconsidering her decision. But (foolish) resolve hardens her expression, and she lifts the spoon to her lips.

"Hm." Athena hums as she carefully sets the spoon down. Medusa can see her carefully chewing the chunks of… whatever she's scooped into her mouth. When she swallows, she's still stony faced.

"It's…" and here, Athena cautiously brings a hand up to her mouth, looking decidedly unwell as she grimaces. "It's…" she tries again before trailing off. If Medusa looks closer, she can see Athena gritting her teeth.

Medusa cautiously pats Athena's back. "Uh… are you… okay?"

Athena is about to answer before she stops and hums instead. Medusa doesn't know what that's supposed to mean. Athena opens her mouth again before she snaps her mouth shut and makes some kind of strange groan.

That… doesn't sound good.

Athena looks over at her and squints strangely as if in disbelief. "Medusa, have your snakes changed into dogs?"

"... what?" Medusa runs a quick hand through her hair but it's only hair and snakes— _wait._ Athena is hallucinating.

"Hello!"

Amidst Medusa's panicking, someone else happens to come into the dining hall. When Medusa looks up, it's one of the other primal beasts, Europa, who's now looking at them curiously. "Is there something wrong?"

Athena only groans in response, blearily looking at the both of them before her eyes squeeze shut. Medusa snaps her head back to Athena, wondering what she can do. Healing magic? But the regeneration of primal beasts should be helping instead. What even is wrong with Athena?

"Oh! Poison!" Europa suddenly gasps, eyes honing in on the bowl and recoiling backward like something is about to physically strike her.

That's not far from what that stew might actually be now that Medusa thinks about it.

The more troublesome thing is the way the air around them suddenly sharpens and both Medusa and Athena stiffen in response, sensing the use of magic. The sensation builds— _Europa is a water primal_ Medusa is screaming at herself.

There's very little time for either of them to react.

Medusa dives out of her seat but her tail wraps around Athena's waist in the hopes that she can pull Athena out too, except Athena throws her arm out toward Medusa, the shimmers of her barrier forming.

"Aegi—"

And Europa floods the table with a cascade of pouring water. The bowl falls onto the floor with a loud _clink_ , rolling around before coming to a stop. The only sound that fills the air are the drops of water falling onto the now growing puddle on the floor.

Katalina comes out of the kitchen with a smile as she dusts her hands. "Sorry about that! It looks like some of it got on the ceiling so I had to clean that up. You know how it is with stew!"

This is also when Katalina _finally_ realizes that things aren't quite the same when she had left. Her eyes roam over them, slowly widening with encroaching horror. "What… happened… in here?"

At this point, it should be what _hasn't_ happened. Medusa's on the floor taking cover with her hands over her head. Her tail's still wrapped around Athena and instead of managing to pull her away, it's only pulled her down to Medusa's empty seat and now she's laying across the empty bench, only the slightest expression of surprise on her face, and also completely drenched.

Then there's Europa standing next to them, staring down at the puddle growing larger on the floor before she makes a satisfied nod. "Have no fear, the poison is neutralized," she announces calmly with a smile, daintily stepping around to avoid the puddle.

"P-poison?!" Katalina gawks at her.

"Yes, the poison in the bowl," Europa says patiently.

"B-but that… that wasn't… I mean, it was the lunch that I..."

Athena opens her mouth to speak, except a mouthful of water falls out instead.

* * *

"You're such an idiot," Medusa says again for the umpteenth time, growling under her breath. Her tail swishes back and forth rapidly in the air, agitated.

"Forgive me," Athena murmurs before she exhales deeply. She makes a small sound of discomfort, her face twisting into a grimace.

Medusa only huffs at her, staring off into the distance where they are out on the deck. Her hand absently picks at strands of Athena's hair from where her head is in Medusa's lap. Medusiana's curled around them, silently offering her apology for being too afraid to follow them down by shielding them from some of the stronger winds with her large body.

Athena had said she felt ill staying in an enclosed space and that some fresh air would do her good, except a sudden dizzy spell made her want to lie down. The fresh air does seem to be helping though, in that at least Athena is groaning less than before. Making less noise has to be a good sign, isn't it?

"Maybe it was that strange herb she said that fell into the pot," Athena mumbles as she squeezes her eyes shut again. She brings up her arm to help cover her eyes from the light. "It is… certainly not meant for consumption."

Medusa rolls her eyes. "We can't even ask her for what it is since that skydweller came in and tossed it all out."

After several moments of the most uncomfortable silence Medusa has ever been in, Djeeta, Lyria, and a third skydweller—oh, it's the one always watching either Katalina or Djeeta, Medusa now recalls—had all come running in. The three of them had looked at each other and without any other word, Djeeta and Lyria distracted Katalina by pointedly keeping her eyes away from the kitchen while the third skydweller had run in, dashed away with the pot, and come back with it completely empty within seconds, everything happening so fast that even the black ribbon in the skydweller's blonde hair was still fluttering from all the movement. Something about the way all three of them acted seemed a little _too_ prepared, but who is Medusa to complain?

… hopefully nothing had been underneath the ship when it was tossed.

"It would have been nice to know," Athena says. Medusa huffs again, poking Athena's cheek.

"So? How are you feeling?"

"... better. I still feel… _off_ , but not quite so." Athena takes the arm off her eyes, squinting at Medusa for a bit before quickly sliding her arm back and squeezing her eyes shut. "You still appear to be several different shades of colors, but less so. Perhaps the water from Europa had also helped."

"Ugh." Medusa wrinkles her nose. Athena's troubling statement aside, she'd been the one who'd gotten drenched although Medusa hadn't gotten out unscatched either. Getting her scales wet makes her annoyed. So that's why she's outside on the deck here with Athena, drying herself too.

Hmph! This definitely has nothing to do with how Athena looks so pathetic. In fact, Medusa's here to gloat! If Athena had listened to her, she wouldn't be in this situation in the first place!

Medusa's tail falls back onto the deck, thumping periodically as her mood calms down. Athena isn't talking right now, and while Athena doesn't actually talk much in the first place, she has an awful tendency to say the most unexpected things Medusa's ever heard. So, it's a little peaceful, somehow.

"Medusa, thank you again for taking care of me," Athena murmurs then. Medusa scowls even though she knows Athena's eyes are closed. She jabs Athena's cheek again.

"You better be grateful! But you're still an idiot."


End file.
